In fact, their influence has caused such tremendous contributions to society. Like young and upstanding citizens walkin' around with these extra large pants and shorts that only cover about half a persons rear end? Yep th' STARS gave us that! Oh, and th' $300 tennis shoes with th' laces pulled out and th' tongue a flappin' when they walk. STARS donated that to our culture. Oh, and less not forget th' lil' Britney and Paris wanna bees with half their rear end showing their midriff high thongs and their artistic tattoo(s). You got it! Th' STARS did that just for us. How 'bout them car radios that almost crack th' windows in your house as they drive by? Thank th' STARS folks. Oh, and by all means, let's give them credit for tongue, ear, nose, navel, lips, eyebrow, chin, and other types of metal piercing. It is so VERY ARTISTIC. If not already done, they should have a piercing museum. You could take dates there and just browse for hours on end. Listen. You can hear it now, "Darling did you ever see such an exquisite site in all your life? The ambiance. The beauty! The design! The very soul that the artist captured on that tongue is amazing! Don't you agree?" "Why yes, I do agree. Oh, and the wine and cheese they serve are of the utmost quality."
Yes, we truly have so much to thank th' STARS for. They even gave our youth a whole new language. Yeah, this new talk involves hating your parents, God, America, and anyone that may REALLY love ya. STARS have truly enriched our lives. They also gave our youth NEW families. Some folks call them gangs, but that's just WRONG! They are their families. Their protectors! Their providers! Their teachers! And we can thank OUR LUCKY STARS for that too.
The biggest things that I loose sleep at night over, is that, do these STARS and their FLOCKS want attention SO BAD that they will actually go through this much discomfort to get their FIX? I mean it has got to be some kinda chore to walk around in clothes that almost trip you up. This cannot be an easy thing. Do you duck tape 'em to yourself underneath? What holds 'em up? I mean, some these ol' boys are so thin. You know, there ain't nuthin' to hang on. Now, th' biggin's they okay. They got some hangin' power. And some of these gals, with them thongs stretched dang near to their necks. They walk around like they got two cantaloupes in their drawers. While still others are hidin' a couple of basketballs. If ya know what I mean. And with all this packin' and stretchin' they stack all of this on these lil' tiny high heeled shoes. Some of 'em look like an elephant with drawers tryin' to balance itself on a friggin' pencil. That just CANNOT be comfortable. Often, when th' wife and I are at th' mall, well, she shops and I people watch. It's fun. Especially watchin' th' CLASSY youth. I listen to 'em talk. F this F that, but they are always askin', "What?" "Huh?" What dat you say?." "I miss dat. Run it by me one more time." Well, th' STARS gave us tremendously loud sound. They do not realize this, but this sound has a tremendous effect on their hearin'. Oh, and notice I stated sound and not music. Music, to me should be a pleasant experience. Not an insane madman tryin' to get out of a Chinese chime and gong factory after he had mistakenly been locked in! Ya know what I mean?
We can thank STARS for malnutrition. Yep, th' runway model STARS have contributed that. To be "IN" you have to look like a stick that walks and has slinky rags hangin' off of it. This IS NOT beauty! It is a shame! I pity th' poor gals and if you ever got a glimpse of one that was soakin' wet and no make-up, well, you'd pity 'em too. Yes you would. C'mon. Be honest. Do you honestly consider them a STAR?
Break-downs. Th' STAR FOLLOWIN' youth of today must have a lot of car break-downs. Hey, but no worry. Why? Well, th' kind STARS gave them BLING. Yep bling. It's this real shiny metal stuff that they wear around their necks. It mostly looks kind like a full moon made out of metal that is being held up with bright shiny chains. Oh, and one is not enough. Naw, they got to wear a bunch of 'em. It must be some kinda status symbol. Kinda like Indian beads used to be. Th' one with th' most bling is th' man in charge, or somethin'. Anyway, if they break-down I guess they use this bling to tow their cars home. The shiny full moon must be some sort of reflective device to signal for help. Kinda like Morse Code, except in STAR YOUTH CODE. Dot, dot, dash, dash, bling, bling. You get th' picture.
Okay, I had a lil' fun today, but it is really kinda sad at th' influence th' STARS really have on our kids. Far more than GOD, TRUE family, or TRUE friendship, or REAL love. It is a shame. It is almost irreversible, but this big, ol' fat, ugly, soft hearted REAL American sure gonna keep on tryin' anyway.
................and that's some more opinions from TH' DUMB OL' EAST TEXAS BOY. "What?" "Huh?" What dat you say?." "I miss dat. Run it by me one more time."