Every single day I checked it. Sometimes I would check as many as fifteen times a day, if I was home. The mailman delivered my mail, it didn’t move. The neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, it didn’t move. A girl walked her dog down the street, it didn’t move. Quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house and it did not move. Heck, even my wife would check it as she walked by and it never moved. It’s been over thirty days now since I’ve been checkin’ on the sucker and it has not made one move. What’s the deal? I have heard all over television and in newspapers how aggressive they are. I’ve heard that they aren’t to be trusted. I’ve heard they are dangerous. I’ve even heard stories of how they killed and crippled folks, but all I can say is that mine has been as about as gentle and calm as anything could possibly be.
So you tell me what’s wrong. I mean, I sat my twelve gauge shotgun right their next to the front widow with three shells right beside it. It could plainly see the mailman, the boy mowin’ my yard, the girl walkin’ her dog, the cars at the stop sign and even me and my wife, but it just sat there.
The dang ol’ thing hadn't moved itself outside and never killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. I mean, can y’all imagine my surprise? So guys, I figured that all that hype in the media is wrong. I mean, it can’t be guns, but the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or then again, maybe I own the laziest gun in the world. Who knows? Makes me scratch my head fo’ sure. Anyway, I'm gonna go check on my spoons ‘cause I hear they make people fat.
VERY IMPORTANT FOOT NOTE: You lil' punk, Barry Hussein, you insignificant lil' flea, you cannot defeat me! I am backed by a fella, who had spikes driven in both hands and feet, then he was hung on timbers and the only thing holding him up were those spikes, then he was stabbed and given up for dead, then he was entombed, then he walked out of that tomb and ascended up into the sky and after all of that he still lives today! Yes, this is my backing! What's yours? George Soros? I am laughing whole-heartily right now! How small you really are you lil' arrogant imposter! Oh yeah, and if you think this fella backing me is something, I just can't wait 'til you meet his father! Good luck, you're gonna need it! "Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian." --- Henry Ford