All his life Bubba Bovine Baxter knew what he wanted to be and that would be a Texas Ranger. He’d listen to the stories of his Daddy and Grandfather, who were
Rangers. Bubba was now a man and a big
‘un too. He stood a whoppin’ six foot
four, was strong as an ox, fast as lightin’ and he could shoot a Hunt’s catsup
bottle with an open site from one hundred yards away. So Bubba took himself
down to the Texas Ranger’s Headquarters and applied. Texas
Well, he went through all the classes and training and passed with flyin’ colors. He then went through all the physical test and passed them too. He was so damn proud you could see his grin from a mile away. He was just about ready to finally get his wish and become a Texas Ranger just like his Dad and Grandpa were, but there was one more test. It was the final aptitude test to either get him in or throw him out.
Bubba showed up bright and early at the Captain’s office for his final test. He was a bit nervous, but knew he had passed everything else and surely he would pass this too. Well the Captain said, “Bubba, you're a big strong fella and man can you shoot. Your qualifications are very impressive, but we have, what you might call, our "Final Attitude Suitability Test". You need to realize that you must pass this test before you can be accepted as a Texas Ranger. Bubba, as you know, we just don't let anyone carry our badge." Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Captain said, “Now, take this pistol, go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslims, six Democrats and finally, a
Jack Rabbit.” Bubba looked puzzled and
told the Captain, “Why the Jack Rabbit sir?” Texas
The Captain grinned and said, “Congratulations, Bubba Bovine Baxter, you are now officially a Texas Ranger! You will start first thing Monday morning.”
EPILOGUE: You lil' punk in our house, you insignificant lil' flea, you cannot defeat me! I am backed by a fella, who had spikes driven in both hands and feet, then he was hung on timbers and the only thing holding him up were those spikes, then he was stabbed and given up for dead, then he was entombed, then he walked out of that tomb and ascended up into the sky and after all of that he still lives today! Yes, this is my backing! What's yours? George Soros? I am laughing whole-heartily right now! How small you really are you lil' arrogant imposter! Oh yeah, and if you think this fella backing me is something, I just can't wait 'til you meet his father! Good luck, you're gonna need it!