1039: THE LAW OF THE LAND!

Actual laws guys!  Seriously!  These ain’t from ancient times either!  They are actual Sharia laws for today and they want to impose them on all Americans!  In fact, some state courts are already allowing some of these laws.  Like Tennessee for one!

1. The ISLAMIC Mosque and State (people) are not separate.  All laws will still be subject to the Quran’s interpretation.  Islamic nations that are deeply rooted in shariah, like Iran and Saudi Arabia, do not adequately separate the two realms, giving a lot of power to courts and councils to ensure that legislation does not contradict the Quran (never mind whose interpretation).

2. Jihad may be waged against injustice or an unjust nation, as Islam defines the terms according to the Quran. 

3. Jihad may be waged to spread Islam and force conversions – a holy war.

4. A captive in jihad may be executed, enslaved, ransomed for money, exchanged for other prisoners, or released freely (don’t count on this last one.  It rarely happens.)

5. A woman captive of jihad may be forced to have to sex with her captors (now owners).  - Remember this one, all you bleedin’ heart gals, who just love Muslims! 

6. Property can be destroyed or confiscated by Muslims during jihad.  - Mr. Trump!  This means you! 

7. Jihad may be waged to collect spoils.  - Muslims take it all!

8. a second-class submission tax, called the jizyah, must be imposed on Jews and Christians (and other religious minorities) living in Islamic “controlled” countries.  – Oh yeah, they want America!

9. Slavery is allowed.  - Hey you black folks!  Back to the shackles, only this time we all join you!

10. A male owner may have sex with his slave-women, even prepubescent slave-girls (that’s little girls folks!).

11. Slaves may be beaten.  – Muslims just have to have a lil’ fun!

12. Apostasy laws, including imprisonment or execution, may be imposed on anyone who leaves Islam (an apostate).  – Once you’re in, you’re in folks!

13. Blasphemy laws, including imprisonment or execution, may be imposed on critics of Islam or Muhammad.  – Well, I still say Muhammad was a flake!

14. Drinkers and gamblers may be flogged.  Dang, there goes the boot scootin’ and the casinos!

15. An injured plaintiff (a private citizen) has the options of forgiving or exacting legal and literal revenge – physical eye for physical eye.  - I keep tryin’ to tell y’all, “They’re backwards!”

16. The hand of a male or female thief may be cut off.  - This will save 7-11 stores a lot of dough!

17. A highway robber may be crucified or his alternate hand and foot cut off.  - Ooops!  No more car-jacking!

18. Homosexuals may be imprisoned, flogged, or executed.  - No more hate crime laws, girly boyz!

19. Fornicators may be flogged.  – Now where’s the fun in that?

20. Adulterers may be stoned to death.  Damn, that would get rid of at least half of Hollywood!

21. False accusers of sexual crimes may be flogged eighty times.  – No more hollerin’ rape just to get rid of a guy, gals!

22. A woman inherits half what a man does.  - Goldiggers!

23. A woman’s testimony in a court of law counts half of a man’s testimony, since she might “forget.”   - LOL!  Ladies, I’m sure you just love this one!

24. A man may legally and irrevocably divorce his wife, outside of a court of law, by correctly pronouncing three times “you are divorced.”  - Wow!  No more attorney fees!

25. A wife may remarry her ex-husband if and only if she marries another man, has sex with him, and then this second man divorces her.  - Can you run that by me one more time?

26. Husbands may hit their wives.  - Guess she will snap too now when I say, “Get me another beer!”

27. A man may be polygamous with up to four wives.  - Trojan prices just went up!

28. A man may simply get rid of one of his “undesirable” wives.  – Just like changin’ an air conditioning filter!

29. A mature man may marry a little girl.  - Larry Flint would love this!  The sick SOB!

30. A woman must wear a head covering and maybe a facial veil, according to sound traditions and authoritative classical law.  Ooops!  There goes Calvin Klein and Victoria Secret sales!

Still think we can get along with Muslims?  Think again!

EPILOGUE: Obama, you insignificant lil' flea, you cannot defeat me! I am backed by a fella, who had spikes driven in both hands and feet, then he was hung on timbers and the only thing holding him up were those spikes, then he was stabbed and given up for dead, then he was entombed, then he walked out of that tomb and ascended up into the sky and after all of that he still lives today! Yes, this is my backing! What's yours? George Soros? I am laughing whole-heartily right now! How small you really are Obama! Oh yeah, if you think this fella backing me is something, I just can't wait 'til you meet his father! Good luck, hehehehehe!