Thursday, September 10, 2009


Have you folks taken a close look at Ol' Rootin' Tootin' Putin!  Yeah, Russia's pretty boy in th' flesh.  Vladimir Putin?  This guy thinks he's freakin' James Bond.  "Just call me Vlad.  Vladimir that is!  Vladimir Putin.  007!"  You can just see th' movie trailer now, can't ya?  He's alone with some Russian bimbo, that looks like a fat Britney Spears, and he says, "Babe-ousky?  I like my vodka shaken not stirred."  Then he looks into th' camera as he rips off his cheap Chinese sunglasses and says, "Vladimir will be seeing you at a theater soon."  Then he downs th' vodka.  Cut!  That's a take!  And you actually think that this lil' weasel could be the biggest threat to our National Security?  Vlad?  Pretty Boy?  Heck, if he ever got in a tussel, he'd be sayin', "watch th' face, watch th' face please!"  Put him aside.  He ain't th' one. 
So, we move on to this North Korean maniac, KIM JONG IL?  How in th' heck does his neck keep from breakin'?  Have you seen th' melon that that lil' bitty ol' neck supports?  My God, it's huge!  He looks like a real, true to life, official, livin' BOBBLE HEAD!  Flippity floppity, filppity floppity, it just bounces along as he walks.  Now seriously, do you think that he is our biggest threat to our national security?  This puny lil' idiot?  Heck, if he even makes it another year or two, he'll need a brace for that humongous pumpkin!
Let's move on to th' next lil' pest, Hugo Chavez.  Now here's a real player.  He think's he's playin' a role in th' Godfather.  "I'll make you an offer you can't refuse."  Give  me break FAT BOY!  I mean you can't even wipe th' grease off your face from all them pork ribs you've been slammin' down.  And th' clothes.......Hugo baby, ya gotta get rid of th' wine stains.  Oh, and The Sopranos was just a show, not real life.  The Tony Soprano shirts, wine and cigars, well, ya need to give 'em back to whatever Hollywood dressin' room you stole them from.  Do you folks believe that this low life hustler could be a major threat to our security?  Really?  Heck, clogged arteries or a venerial disease will, most likely, take him out for us.
Next you have Fidel's double.  His lil' ol' baby brother Raul.  Boy, now he's a real keeper.  I don't think so.  And what about those goofy hats they wear.  He looks like a Wally World mechanic or somethin'.  Fill 'er up sir?  Check under da hood?  How 'bout them winders?"  Oh, and Raul, if you're thikin' 'bout doin' a lil' tradin' with some other folks, you might wanna get a haircut and, at least, put on a golf shirt and a pair of dockers or somethin'.  You look bad son!  You can't lure no high powered traders lookin' like an old geezer in a postal uniform.  C'mon man!  Ya gotta look like you just might be serious.  Now, do y'all think that this ol' boy and his half dead brother, could be th' biggest threat to our security?  No sir.  No way.  Not these two UPS wanna be's.
Then we come to Amadiddahoochie!  You know, Iran's lil' ego trippin', power hungry, few screws loose, ol' booger, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  Ya know what Mahmoud means?  The "praised one".  Get a load of that baloney partner!  The praised one.  Think about it.  You're th' parents of this, what had to be, ugly, wrinkled up, hairy, little sucker and you decide on, "The praised one"?  Wow!  I know a parent's love runs deep, but would'nt Fred, Harry, Lloyd, Jimmy, Jack, or anything other than, "The Praised One", been just a wee bit more realistic?  Mr. & Mrs. "Hoochie"?  I bet y'all are so darn proud of him now, huh?  All dressed up in them Taiwan Thrift Store Khaki pants, that mail order shirt and shoes, and that neat lil' windbreaker with th' zipper in front.  Where'd he get that?  Haband?  Yeah, he's a stylish sucker all right.  Threat to security?  This guy's a cock roach.  A pest.  No substance!  No stock!  We can brush him off our back anytime we want to.
Okay then, who is the biggest and most dangerous threat to the National Security of The United States of America?  We all, deep in the heart of our hearts, know it.  So we might as well say it.  Okay, all together now, "IT IS BARRACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!"  There ya go.  HE is the biggest threat 'cause his agenda is virtually no different from all the others mentioned above, but he happens to be THE PRESIDENT OF OUR COUNTRY!  What, pray to God, was the majority of our citizens thinking?  We purposely took a greedy worm and stuffed it, in th' hole, that we supplied for it, right smack in th' middle of OUR apple!  And now, when it is startin' to rot, no one is botherin' to remove th' worm!  Folks, if you want to keep tastin' th' incredible sweetness of freedom, then by hook or by crook, we have to get this infestation out of our house!  This is our house folks!  No one spreads their dung in our house and gets away with it!  No sir!  Not in our house!  Mr. President?  You and all your commrades had better pack your bags and find a new place to roost 'cause we gonna remove y'all from our house!  Yes we are!  I hear that Kenya could use ya, chief.
Oh, and lest we forget about our so-called Congress folks, let's look at all the wonderful "gubmint" programs that they have bestowed upon us.  And these are just th' biggies:
1.    1775 gave us the Postal Service to pay for.  They had 234 years to fix it and never could.  Now it's broke!
2.    1935 gave us Social Security to pay for.  They had 74 years to fix it.  Now it's broke!
3.    1938 gave us Fannie Mae to pay for.  They had 71 years to fix it.  Now it's broke!
4.    1964 gave us the so-called  "War on Poverty" to pay for.  They had 45 years to fix it.  They steal 1 trillion a year and supposedly give it to the poor.  It has not worked and we are broke!
5.    1965 gave us Medicare and Medicaid to pay for.  They had 44 years to fix it.  Now they both are broke!
6.    1970 gave us Freddie Mac to pay for.  They had 39 years to fix it.  Now it's broke!
7.    2009 gave us Omnibus Appropriations Act of 2009 (stimulus) to pay for.  The corrupt ACORN organization seems to be the only folks benefiting from it.  Our great grand kids will also be paying for this!
8.    2009 gave us "Cash for Clunkers" to pay for.  So far, we have had to pay $3 billion to save $3.75 million!  You always have to do "gubmint" math 'cause that's where they get ya.  Let me explain:
Okay, you got a "clunker" that gets 15 miles to a gallon of gas and you drive 12,000 miles a year, well, you'd use 800 gallons of gas.  You divide the 15 into the 12,000 and get 800.  Now, if you drove a "gas saver" that got 25 miles to a gallon and you drove 12,000 miles then you'd use 480 gallons of gas.  You divide the 25 into the 12,000 and get 480.  With me so far?  Okay, next you'd take the 800 and subtract the 480 and you will get 320.  That's how many gallons of gas th' "gubmint" says they gonna save us on one "clunker".
Now accordin' to them number crunches over there in Washington, DC, there were 700,000 of these "clunkers".  So, if you take the 320 gallons of gas that they save us on each "clunker", you get, 224 million gallons saved.  Okay then, a barrell of oil costs the government $75, give or take some change.  The 224 million gallons works out to, close to 5 million barrels of oil.  Now take the 5 million barrells and multiply it by the $75 and you get $3.75 million.  So we, me and you, paid $3 BILLION to save $3.75 MILLION.  Oh, in case you don't know, a billion is 1000 million.  Subtract 3.75 from 1000 and you get 996.25.  Yep, th' "gubmint" done SCAMMED US outta $996.25 MILLION DOLLARS.  And some actually thought this was a GOOD deal.
So, you tell me.  What good has the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT done?  Could the individual states done better?  Could they have done any worse?  Ready for term limits?  Ready for the states, as the CONSTITUTION intended, to be in control again?  Ready to get the Czars outta our hair?  Are you lookin' forward to the day when you don't have to look at PELOSI, REED, FRANK, SHUMMER, DODD, RANGEL, SHARPTON, EMANUEL, AXELROD, GIBBS, OR OBAMA, pasted all over your< screen, ever again?  I know I am!  So get 'em outt our house!  That's it!  That's all you have to do!  ...........and that, my fellow PATRIOTS, are some more opinions from TH' DUMB OL' EAST TEXAS BOY.
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  1. This was HYSTERICAL, but oooooh sooooo scary!

    Thanks for putting this out here.
    The way you write it is easy to understand...
    'Cept I HAD to do the numbers, and you ARE right on!

    Keep it coming.


  2. Thanks KZ and I will keep it comin' just as long as we still have freedom of speech.


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