Ha! Can you believe that statement? Wooooo, it was issued by The United Nations Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights! I wonder if he was wearing his "GRAND POOOMBAH HAT" when he was trying to put fear in the citizens of the United States? I bet these guys have their own bowling league with matching shirts. Arizona better watch out! They done got called down upon by the HIGH COMMISSIONER! Wow! Holy Moly, Batman!
Can't ya see it now? The scene opens in a lil' ol' Arizona mining town. The folks there were being robbed blind by the bandidos across the border. No one would mess with the bandidos for fear of retribution. They let them steal their food and water, without pay. They even made the town's doctor, Doc Adams, patch up their pregnant, sick and wounded, without paying him anything. Not even a drink or a basket of vegetables. So, the town went on living in fear. They even contacted the Army at the fort down the road, but were ignored. They wrote the President, but no replies came back. They felt they were helplessly shoved against a wall.
But behold, the Governor, even though a woman, grew some wazongas and declared a new law! Well, actually the same law, that the government already had, but she made it a state law, to boot. Yep, she alone stepped up and looked the bandidos in the eye and said, "NO MORE!". And once again, the town returned to the peaceful place it used to be. But the peace was short lived.
One day, from out of no where, a huge, menacing, dark silhouette could be seen approaching! It approached slowly and deliberately. As it got closer, the towns people could hear the loud grunt of the animals nostrils and it almost seemed like smoke was bellowing from them. The figure on the horse just sat their, bouncing back and forth with the rhythm of the animals gait, never lifting his head. Almost all of the town folk ran to the governor's office, in fear.
Finally, this gruesome husky figure was on main street. The animal was an ugly and monstrous horse, the likes of which no one had seen before. As for the man upon the horse, well, let's just say, that he could probably stare down, that horse until it fell to the grown. So yeah, the ol' boy was a mean 'un! Slowly he looked up and the towns people muttered to each other, "It's THE
HIGH COMMISSIONER! Quick, everyone get back! Give him room!"
Well slowly, THE HIGH COMMISSIONER, wearing his Grand Poombah hat and all, dismounted from that horse and dust scattered and formed a cloud as his boot hit the ground. He slowly pulled off his heavy leather coat and his Poombah hat and laid them across his saddle. Then he moved his head in a complete half circle, eye balling every single one of them towns people, as if to tell them to leave his coat and especially his Grand Pooombah hat alone. And they did.
The governor had seen enough. She walked out of her office, looked the ol' boy up and down, kinda grinned, and said, "What in the hell do you want?" The ol' boy was taken back a bit. No one ever talked to him like this before, after all, he was THE HIGH COMMISSIONER. He snorted, walked toward her, and bellowed, "The United Nations and Mr. Obama don't like y'all messing with these bandidos. We have plans for them and they don't include you or your weakling towns folk. You understand? 'Cause if you don't, we gonna make the whole state of Arizona one big ol' death camp and we gonna put you right, smack dab, in the middle of 'er!" She paused, took a small lengthy breath, spit down at his dusty ol' boot and still grinning, looked at him and said in a soft, deliberate voice, "I understand."
No, no, no, that's the way they used to solve a problem. Now let me give you, to borrow from the great Paul Harvey, the rest of the story. The ol' HIGH COMMISSIONER got on his horse, smiled, tipped his Grand Pooombah hat and said, "Little girl. You gonna have to eat a few more beans to keep up with THE HIGH COMMISSIONER, darlin'. I can't wait to get back and report the good news to my chiefs. Y'all take care now." He then pooched his lips, as if to form a kiss, and began to ride slowly out of town.
The governor walked out in the middle of the street, pulled out her handkerchief, waved it high above her head, and watched, as about fifty of the braver towns people, put so many holes in that leather coat and Pooombah hat, well, you couldn't even use them for blacksmith shop rags.
THE HIGH COMMISSIONER'S body was shipped back to the United Nations with this note attached, "We don't take to serious threats in Arizona! The bandidos will stay out of our state or will go to jail. In fact, if any of the members of the United Nations comes to Arizona, well, we'll arrest you........or otherwise. You have been warned! You might wanna spread it around."
Don't you guys just love a happy ending? Now where did I put that coon skin cap? Now y'all can read some more about the UN hear: http://www.kgun9.com/Global/story.asp?S=12466216
Wassa matter? No tar and feathers?
ReplyDeleteThey were trying to be humane......................
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